Technology and Parenting.

Unlike my kids, who knew how to open my iPhone before they were able to speak, I was not raised with technology.
We had a family computer with a huge, boxy screen in the corner of the room that resembled a cream colored octopus with cords everywhere but that was about it. Oh, and the garage door. We could open the garage door by remote. Pretty cool.
Jump ahead to 2013.
The ability to change any surface into a touch screen has revolutionized how we exist. Everything no longer is just what it is, it is “smart.” Smart cars, smart houses, smart watches. When will our mirrors finally reach their full potential and bring more to the table then just a reflection?
Of course, there’s our smartphones. They do so much more than just call someone. (And who wants to talk anyways?) Now we text, Snapchat, Instagram and Vine for all our silly human needs. Gone are books, newspapers and library cards. To think, I used to write letters. Ha! I could never have imagined this even a few years ago when I still bought CDs. 
I, for one, am very rarely without my smartphone. It is really nice how a couple of taps of the old thumb can connect me to a world that sometimes seems so far, far away. Especially after a morning of toy trucks, dolls and tea parties.
Naturally, the second I look at my little colorful screen, both kids pounce. It takes a real conscious effort to put that gadget away. You would be surprised how many times we automatically reach for our phones when we are bored. It's just so easy, a natural extension of the arm almost. Just a few taps on the screen, and I'm watching a short clip on the dangers of climbing Mt. Everest while I change a dirty diaper. Quite exciting.
But I'm trying to lead by example. Technology has a time and a place in our lives and we must control it. We can help our kids by showing that these devices are not the center of our lives. In being "connected" to our phones, email, Internet, stock portfolios, breaking news events and sports updates, to name a few, we are actually becoming more disconnected from the things that matter most -- our families, ourselves and society. It's not going to get any easier as this generation is being raised with technology being an integrated part of their lives.

Lately, I have been leaving my phone in the charger all day. Sort of like being demoted to a landline. Bad phone, you are taking all my attention away from, well, life. It was strange, but after a while I found myself more engaged in the moment -- better connected to things around me. It's a nice place to be with little kids.

Summer

I imagine that most of us try to recreate those classic summer memories that we so cherish. After all, my kids will love swimming in a freezing cold river in New Hampshire's White Mountains, right?

Maybe.

Probably not.

As my kids -- ages 3 and 1 -- get older, I realize that my experiences and memories are just that, mine. Trying to recreate what we enjoyed growing up is not the way to make memories for our kids.

Amazingly enough, I find the best way is to just let those moments happen. We need to allow them to make their own memories. You can do your best to create a perfect vacation, but the most important thing is being together and sharing time away from the normal routine.

So this summer, I'm gonna worry less about big plans and perfection and instead try to enjoy the simple joys of being together. Sharing time with those we love and care about - that's the perfect summer day.

Wall Street Journal Article: Mr. Mom is Dead.

I was fortunate to take part in Sue Shellenbarger's most recent article on Stay at Home Dads...Enjoy!

Wall Street Journal Article
 

Poblem Solving

In Choices for Children, Why and How to Let Students Decide, Alfie Kohn writes, "The way a child learns how to make decisions is by making decisions, not by following directions."

It's never too early to start allowing our children to develop the important skill of problem solving. One of the key components in problem solving is, of course, having a problem to solve. Not to worry, throughout the course of a day, both my eight month old and my two and a half year old have no trouble finding problems. Phrases like, "No, I don't like that", "Help, I'm stuck!", and my personal favorite, complete with a generous portion of whining, "I can't get it!!" are all too familiar. Not to mention the sweet simplicity of a cry from a frustrated baby trying to reach a small chewable giraffe. We have no shortage of problems in this household. In fact, to the untrained eye, one could surmise that our day consists of a series of problems loosely held together by a reliable routine.

Now that Winter has descended upon us, I am trying to take advantage of the recent unseasonably nice weather we have been having and get outside before the real cold temps set in. Finn, my oldest, and I, were playing a game of "hang the old milk carton crate on the tree and try to throw a ball in it" (Naismith would have been proud) and the following ensued:

Daddy's turn, I took a shot, miss.
Finn's turn, miss.
Daddy's turn, miss. What?
Daddy's turn again, made it!
I easily get the ball out of the crate, as Finn says "oh yeah!" like I just slam dunked over Ewing.
Finn's turn, makes it!
He walks over to the basket, barely reaching the bottom.
"I can't get it! Daddy get it! Finn can't get it!!"

It's true, he couldn't get it.

Houston, we have a problem.

Cue the frantic two and half year old that wants his ball back. Action!

Here comes the difficult part, having the patience, and the time, to allow for the "solving" to occur. This is when we must be careful not to step in too soon. If you pay attention to what your child is trying to do, you'll have a pretty good idea of when to intervene. Even then, simply offering advice, or a tool is sufficient. Helping to problem solve can teach our kids how to find solutions and think about obstacles in different ways. But it is important to give them the time to work it out themselves, to struggle a little. It's a slight shift from frustration to "let me try and figure this out". It's an important shift that must be developed over time. Learning how to deal with frustration and being able to let that fuel problem solving is an invaluable life skill.

Back to Madison Square Backyard...
After complaining and begging for help, Finn began to think about what he needed to do. He grabbed the stool that he uses to wash his hands at the sink and carried it over, climbed up, and got the ball.

"Finn's turn!"

How easy would it have been for me to just get the ball for him? But who really benefits from me solving the problem? What we parents have to realize is that they are going to make mistakes, many mistakes, and it is all part of the process. The process of growing up. They will put their shoes on backwards and write letters upside down. Our kids need opportunities to fail, so they can try for themselves to figure out what works and what doesn’t work. There is a solution. Once they starting looking for it, they will be developing problem solving skills and can begin appreciating their own success.